Dear Mercedes
by streetsweeper
Summary: Set after Home. "Dear Mercedes, first of all, no this is not a love letter..." Kurt has made some pretty stupid decisions and he's determined to make it right. He starts it off with a letter left in Mercedes' locker.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This is my first story so I would appreciate any form of help in improving it. First chapter is in Kurt's POV. I hope you enjoy it...

* * *

I've been sitting here for the past two hours, trying to form a coherent train of thought. And now that I've done so, I wish I hadn't.

My recent actions have been selfish, stupid, and desperate. I've been a failure. I failed Mercedes as a friend, I failed my dad as a son, I failed Finn by embarrassing him in front of glee, I even failed the Cheerios in that sweet little number.

I didn't mean to snap at my dad. I didn't mean to use him. I certainly didn't mean to hurt him. I love my dad, and I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me. I just... I wish that I could be that person for him, the one he could have a riveting sports conversation with, the one who could join in with the jokes of the guys in the garage, the one who didn't make him sit through a musical every year. I've tried, and I know he's trying too, but it just seems like we would never be able to reach each other.

Finn. I'm not an idiot, I know Finn and I would never, in a million years, happen. I also know that setting up our parents will not help that at all. I'm not trying to seduce Finn, I'm not trying to "convert" him, I know he can't help being straight just as much as I can't help being gay. I just wanted to be closer to him. He's just like my dad...

Crap.

He's just like my dad. Is that it? Is that why I'm so desperate to have a connection with him? Because I'm desperate to have a connection with my own father? I mean, it certainly wasn't his intelligence I was attracted to, that's for sure. Great, now I can add pathetic to my list.

And then there's Mercedes. Sometimes I feel like she's the only person who could fully understand me and relate with me in a way nobody else can. I didn't mean to pressure her about losing weight, as a matter of fact, I admire her. I admire the fact that she's so comfortable with herself... I could take a lesson or two from the Mercedes Jones School of Self-esteem.

I need to make this right. I need to pull myself together and make this right. But where do I start? With my dad? No, I need to start smaller. Finn? Absolutely not. Mercedes it is, then. Talking to her about it is absolutely not an option... I just wouldn't be able to.

So... What now?

I went through my drawers and took out my scented stationeries (because you just _know_ I have those randomly lying around my room). I've decided I'm gonna write her a letter, since everything just seems a lot less cheesy on paper.

But then again, the scented paper seems a bit too much, don't you think? Oh wow, this coming from a person who once wore a tux to school. This is going to take all night if I keep procrastinating like this, and that can't be good for my skin. _Ugh_. Just get on with it, Kurt... and stop talking to yourself.

Snoopy stationery. Possibly a decade old. Found under my old school files. I begin to write.

* * *

_Dear Mercedes,_

_Hey girl, wipe that confused look off your face, this is not a love letter, nor is it a suicide note (bad joke? Yeah, sorry). And just so you know, I chose Snoopy because, well, just because._

_So I would like to begin by apologizing again (and again) for the way I acted when Ms. Sylvester wanted us to lose weight. It was not very best-friend-ly of me. I know I've already said this, but I'm gonna say it again: I was wrong. I'm sorry. I should never have made you feel bad about your weight. It's not you, it's me (oh great, now this is starting to sound like a break-up letter), and before you start rolling your eyes and telling me I'm fabulous, I'm gonna stop you. _

_I wear fabulous clothes and have fabulous things in my room, but me? I'm just Kurt. Silly, sarcastic, snobby, selfish, stupid, sad, sad Kurt (try saying _that_ 10 times fast!). But I'm trying to change that, well the selfish and stupid part, at least. And girl, I'm gonna need your help._

_Everything is a hot damn mess, Mercedes. I'm sure you remember that embarrassing little number I did, where I practically undressed myself emotionally in front of the entire glee club. You know it's about Finn... it's always about Finn. I know, I know, Finn falling for me is just about as likely as me falling for you (no offense... I love you and all, just not in that way) but I can't seem to tear myself away from him. Aside from Artie, he is the first guy in school who has ever treated me with respect. Is that why I'm being so clingy? Because he's nice to me? 'Cause if I'm gonna fall all over any guy who doesn't throw me in the dumpster, or shove me against a locker, or slushie my face, or throw pee balloons at me, then I would have fallen in love with Artie a long time ago._

_Oh, by the way, I totally set our parents up. I apologize if you're drinking something, you've probably choked on it by now. It's a stupid idea, made even stupider by the fact that I did it to get closer to Finn. But it worked well for my dad and his mom, they seem to genuinely like each other. I'm happy for them, I really am. I haven't seen my dad this happy since... well, since my mom. What really hurt me, even more than my plan to get close to Finn backfiring, is the fact that my dad and Finn got along really well. I mean, I'm glad my dad has his ideal son now... but it still hurts, knowing that his ideal son isn't me._

_I wanna do right by my dad, Mercedes. I wanna do right for Finn and Carole too. I just can't seem to figure out how._

_So sorry for all the drama packed in one long letter, sweetie. I just needed to say it. If you make it this far, then thank you. Love you, girl. Thanks, and I'm sorry, once again._

_Kurt._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** This chapter in in Mercedes' POV. Enjoy! :D

* * *

I opened my locker expecting to see my math book but what caught my attention was this neatly folded piece of paper. My heart raced for a second, thinking it might have been a love letter from some secret admirer. Then I just wanted to slap myself, because clearly, that's not gonna happen. I may have sung the anthem of narcissism at the assembly, but that doesn't mean things are gonna change that quickly.

Imagine my surprise when I unfolded it and saw Snoopy and Woodstock chillin' on his doghouse. Imagine my even bigger surprise when I found out who the letter was from. Why on earth would Kurt write to me when I was just talking with him this morning? Sometimes, that kid just confuses the heck out of me.

I put the letter in my bag to be read in peace once I get home. I'm not gonna be seeing Kurt for the rest of the day, so I can't exactly ask him about it... and besides, I have a feeling he wouldn't want me to.

8:47 PM. I'm lying in bed, staring at the piece of paper I've just read (three times...no, make that four). Well, Kurt was right about one thing, this _is _a hot damn mess.

I guess I've always suspected that behind that confident strut and bitchy-ish (it's a word, don't argue with me) attitude, that boy is hiding some serious issues. It frustrates me that he couldn't see how awesome he is. I mean, sure, he was a douche about the whole weight thing, but he apologized and I forgave him the first time. And the Finn thing? I've always known he had a crush on him, but I didn't realize it was this bad. If I did, I would have straightened him out a long time ago.

Well, "_straightened him out_" might not have been the best choice of words. But you get my drift, right?

He asked for my help, and I'll be damned if I didn't give it to him. But since he clearly doesn't want to talk, I better bring out the stationeries. Now, what have I got here that could match his Snoopies?...

Cats. Cute ones in soft pastel colours. Sprinkled all over this pale yellow paper. Fresh from the store because I can't find anything other than a disgusting floral print stationery at home. With my pen in hand and my mind reeling, I begin to write.

_

* * *

Dear Kurt,_

_First of all, Snoopy? Really? And it smells like it's a century old. But never mind that..._

_I forgive you, Kurt. I thought that was pretty obvious already since we've been hanging out a lot since that incident. Clearly, you couldn't see forgiveness if it smacked you in the face, so I'm gonna say it again. You. Are. Forgiven. If you apologize one more time, I will punch you._

_But afterwards I would give you a big, big hug because girl, you need one. Yep, I did roll my eyes majorly at that comment. What are you talking about? You are fabulous! It's not just your clothes or your nice things, Kurt, it's you. You just haven't realized it yet. And what's all this silly, sarcastic, snobby, selfish, stupid, sad, sad nonsense? (And you bet I did try saying that 10 times fast. And I succeeded. So there.) As far as I'm concerned, only the silly and the sad (and the second sad) part of that was true. Ok, maybe the sarcastic part as well. Sure, what you did was pretty selfish and pretty dumb, but I know your intentions were good (although misguided)._

_You're looking for love from Finn, but that's not gonna happen, OK? It hurts, I know, you have a broken windshield care of me to prove that, but you have to let yourself move on (and no, honey, not Artie. He's straight, he's taken, and he's not your type).Sure, I guess maybe the fact that he became nice to you after he joined glee attracted you to him, but let me remind you, Mike and Matt were never particularly mean to you either. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should go for them instead, all I'm saying is that you are going to find someone, ok? Don't be in too much of a hurry. Hell, I haven't found someone yet, but I know it'll happen. For both of us. Because we rock._

_Oh and by the way? That stunt you pulled made me wince with sympathy and second hand embarrassment for you. Amazing vocals, honey, but never do that again. _

_And setting your parents up? Didn't make me choke on my soda at all... because I already did that when you suggested hitting on Artie. I am quite surprised, though. You're a smart guy but you clearly did not think that through._

_I know that you're happy for your dad, Kurt. I can see how much you love him. I know how much you want to make him the happiest guy on the planet, and I'm glad your backfired plan worked out for him and Finn's mom, but you need to have a conversation with him about this. I can tell you all kinds of things you want to hear, like how your dad loves you more than anyone in the world and how Finn is not his ideal son, you are... but those words aren't going to mean anything unless you hear them from your him._

_I'm gonna end it here with this: if there's someone you need to apologize to, it's not me. I trust that you already know who I'm talking about. Cheer up, honey. I'll see you in rehearsals._

_Mercedes  
_

_

* * *

_I slip the letter into Kurt's bag when I saw him by his locker first thing in the morning. His letter to me and whether or not I read it was not mentioned and probably never will be. I guess I'll just have to wait for his reply._  
_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Kurt's POV again. Takes place after Bad Reputation. Enjoy :)

* * *

It's been 5 days since I received and read the letter Mercedes not-so-subtly slipped into my bag. Since then, I've had no meaningful conversation with my dad or even Carole, and I've been avoiding Finn like the plague.

Well, Finn and I have actually been quite civil to each other. We seem to have mastered the art of skating around the fact that our parents are dating and we have kept our conversations to a minimum. Just four days ago, I stole a CD from Ms. Sylvester's syringe cabinet and he decided to upload it on Youtube. That was probably the first time since this whole debacle started that the two of us were in the same room together and not completely uncomfortable.

Mercedes and I continue to be the awesome duo that we are, but we've never discussed the letters exchanged between us. I didn't want to talk about it, and she never brought it up, bless her. I do know that she's worried, though, because sometimes I catch her looking at me like I'm about 5 minutes away from inhaling a few dozen bottles of Xanax.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I guess I'd be worried too if I ever saw her like this. As much as I try to smile, I end up looking like I'm grimacing. Heh. _Grimace_. Isn't he a mascot from McDonalds? What's he supposed to be anyway? An eggplant? Sweet potato? Discarded chewing gum?

_Aaaaanyway_, I'm not trying to mope, really. I'm just having a hard time finding something to smile about. My dad's been spending more and more time either at Finn's place or under a hood of a car in his garage. I've been helping out, but he just kinda doesn't seem to want me there, so I stay out of his way. He doesn't even ask me if I want to come with him when he goes over to the Hudson house, and I wouldn't want to impose by inviting myself. Well, I'm just glad he's happy.

So, as I was saying earlier before I got sidetracked by Finn, Mercedes, my dad, and Grimace, It's been five days and I haven't replied yet. I've been busy, sort of. Actually, I was just about to return these MC Hammer costumes to the drama club. Why on earth they would actually have metallic parachute pants is beyond me, but hey, at least they let us borrow it.

If you must know, Mercedes, Tina, Artie, Brittany and I got down with our bad selves yesterday in the library. Apparently, our bad selves are not bad at all, considering the fact that the librarian asked us to perform at her church. You see, a "glist" has been posted a few days ago and it did not involve us (well, it did involve Brittany, but she wanted to join anyway) so we decided we might as well go nuts to try and get in it. I realize now that _stealing_ from _Sue_ freakin _Sylvester _was probably more badass than dancing in the library, but I was a little too slow to realize that. So... muppet babies.

I've actually been thinking about what to say to Mercedes about this whole thing between me and Finn and my dad. It would have taken me a lot longer to reply if the events of last night hadn't happened...

_(last night)_

Snoopy's back. With shaking hands and tears threatening to fall, I begin to write.

_

* * *

Dear Mercedes,_

_Sorry to have kept you waiting, honey. And sorry about the old-smelling stationery. It's actually a decade old. A gift from my mom before she died. She said I should keep it so I could write to her when she gets to heaven. That clearly isn't happening, so I decided to use it to write to another angel in my life instead._

_Cheesy, yes? And I bet you're blushing right now. Who knew I could woo women?_

_Anyway dear, I decided to write back to tell you that I have not talked to my dad about any of this yet. I don't know what to say, or where to start. He's been really distant lately, and I guess it's partially my fault and everything, but it still stings. When we do talk, it's always just me listening to him talking about Finn and Carole and how wonderful they are. I'm jealous, yes, I admit it. I can't help but wonder if he ever talks about me to Carole._

_I quickly learned the answer to that just an hour ago. I made my dad dinner, his favourite since it's been a while since we actually had dinner together. I casually asked him about how his most recent date with Carole went and he told me that he actually had a family dinner with the Hudsons. It stung a little, knowing that I was clearly not part of that "family" dinner thing. What stung a lot more was when he said it was one of the most fun nights he's had recently. I guess I just have to accept the fact that he's having a lot more fun with Finn and Carole than he's ever had with me._

_So anyway, I dared to ask him, politely, why he didn't invite me and he said "Oh, I didn't even think about you last night! We were having a blast! That Finn kid is really talented, you know that? Football player, basketball player, good singer too! Carole's one lucky woman. I mean, who wouldn't want a kid like that?". That's exactly what he said, Mercedes. Verbatim. He must've seen the look on my face because he looked like he was about to say something else, but I just excused myself._

_I knew it. I knew Finn is his ideal son. No matter how many times you tell me he isn't, Mercedes, the fact is, he is. I do appreciate your effort, though, and I love you for it. I'm trying so hard not to be selfish and demand attention from my dad. He's happy now and if he's happy, I'm happy._

_But the problem is, I'm not happy. I have failed him so much over the years that no amount of apologies is ever gonna be enough. I could never make up for the years of disappointment I have given him, for not being the guy's guy that he wanted me to be. I've decided I'm just gonna have to try harder. It's probably not too late for me to form a connection with him, right?_

_So Mercedes, dear, prepare to see a whole new Kurt... at least as soon as I figure out how to pull it off._

_I appreciate everything, Mercedes. Thank you for forgiving me, thank you for writing back, thank you for not mentioning this bizarre conversation we're having on paper when we could just as easily have it in person, just... thanks._

_Kurt_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/favorited/alerted this story. I really appreciate it. This may or may not be the last chapter. SPOILERS for Laryngitis. In Mercedes' POV. Enjoy :)

* * *

When I first saw Kurt on Tuesday before first period, I almost did a spit-take. He wasn't wearing his Cheerios uniform and instead was dressed like a lumberjack. And then I remembered...

Shit.

I was able to read his letter to me a week ago; I just wasn't able to write back because of the sheer shock of it all. I can't believe his father would say that to him. I mean, I've met his dad many times, I've even spent the night at their house a few times and I never got that kind of vibe from Mr. Hummel. Though I'm quite sure he didn't say it to purposely hurt Kurt, but it had to sting. And of course Kurt would take it the wrong way, he's already teetering on the edge and that might have sent him over. And judging by his choice of attire today, it did.

I may never understand fully what they're going through because I never had to go through the same thing with my parents, but I know that those two are trying so hard to reach each other, and seeing them fail so badly is kinda heartbreaking.

First thing I did when I saw him yesterday was give him a hug, no explanations behind it because we both knew why. Everything seemed fine, until after glee when we went our separate ways and Puck, clearly having lost his mind, started making the moves on me. I was going to bitch to Kurt all about it during Cheerios practice, but he wasn't there (which did not please Ms. Sylvester one bit).

So before he walked (swaggered?) over to his locker, I intercepted him with what must have been a WTF look on my face.

"Hey 'Cedes. How's it goin'"

Clearly someone has kidnapped Kurt and sent in a badly dressed look-alike. His voice was deeper, his posture was _horrendous_, and his eyes looked dead inside. _Where's my Kurt?_

"What's goin' on with you, Kurt? Why are you dressed like you raided your dad's closet?"

And then it hit me. What he said in his last letter... _I'm just gonna have to try harder... Prepare to see a whole new Kurt._

Is that what this is about? Oh, Kurt, you poor, misguided idiot.

"I got your last letter, Kurt. I would've replied sooner if I had known you were gonna go bonkers."

Kurt just smiled at me and said it's fine and that_ we don't even have to continue with our bizarre conversation on paper, I got it covered, thanks honey_. I'm not too sure about that. But since it's a matter that would not be discussed here, I just told him about me and Puck. He was appropriately bewildered and excited and wanted details immediately, now _there's_ the Kurt I know and love.

* * *

After glee that day, we went our separate ways again, me listening to another one of Puck's Super Mario whatever rants and him... probably out to go shoot a deer or something. He texted me a best-friend appropriate swoon message about Puck's glee performance and I figured maybe he'll be over his little funk by tomorrow. Boy was I wrong.

We barely saw each other the whole day because I was too busy with Puck and he was... being weird, I admit. Even the rest of the glee club were wondering what got into him. When he actually decided to perform his song assignment, all of us were even more bewildered and some, including me, more than a little concerned. He's doing all of this to find common ground with his dad... so why exactly hasn't his dad stopped this nonsense yet?

Again, I would've written back but I got sidetracked by what happened with Santana and what happened with Puck afterwards. Kurt focused his attention on me, making sure I was alright, making me laugh, making a fuss and all those things that best friends do when their main girl gets into a catfight with a bitchy cheerleader and decides to dump someone. But even through all that, he seemed different, like he was empty or drained.

"I made out with Brittany. I think we're dating now."

_What! _

"Kurt, I know what you're doing, but don't you think you're taking it a little too far?"

"It wasn't terrible, her lips tasted nice. We had ice cream afterwards..." He added, completely ignoring my question.

I was about to ask him again, but then Brittany came and dragged him away. He gave me a half-hearted smile and a wave and I went over to the library and began writing again.

* * *

I was about to leave my letter in his locker when I passed by the auditorium and heard a voice that I could only describe as _broken_. I knew it was Kurt, so I snuck in and watched him. Holy crap, my boy is amazing! It was almost physically painful to watch him like that, he was so full of anger and pain. When he finished, I was just getting ready to run over to the stage and hug him senseless but then I heard someone clapping.

"That was some singing, kid."

_Burt Hummel_. Oh, I knew you'd come through for him. I probably should have left but something about that scene drew me in.

I watched them from the dark corner of the auditorium, not caring about how creepy that seems.

"...seeing you, with Finn, how easy it is... it breaks my heart."

Kurt's voice was cracking and so was my heart.

"Is that why you were pretending to date that daffy cheerleader? And dressing differently? And singing Mellencap?"

"I just want you to know that... I will work just as hard as you to make this okay."

Oh, Kurt. I realized I was crying already and wiped at my eyes, trying to stay silent, because I already felt like an intruder in this very personal moment. But I had to see if my boy was gonna be okay.

"You don't have to work at anything, Kurt. Your job is to be yourself, and my job is to love you, no matter what. That, and a majority ownership at a tire store, that's all we got. We stick to that, and we're gonna be great."

"I missed you dad..."

At that point, when they hugged, I decided to leave. I had no business being there in the first place. But I was glad that they were gonna be fine. These two are strong, and all they had was each other, they'll be okay. I glanced down at the letter in my hand and just shoved it to the bottom of my bag. It was all good, they got it covered.


End file.
